I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
