There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
