So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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