OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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