wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
