when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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