Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
