side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There r osticjed everywhere
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
