Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
