It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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