The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
