Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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