You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
