Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
