do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
