I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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