Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
