I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
