billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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