My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
