My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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