I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
