i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
