No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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