also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
