My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
