How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
