So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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