i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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