Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
