It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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