That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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