Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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