I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
