my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
