I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
