remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
