I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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