Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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