The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
