We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
