I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
