What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
