went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
