"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
