Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
