i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
