I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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