I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
