We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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