is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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