That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
