My pussy is not your playground.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
