This is the prime rib incident all over again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
