Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i'm inner monologue high
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
