dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
