apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
