hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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