Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're a waste of cheezeits
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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