I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
