so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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