What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
